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Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge
Chapter 1
 Not So Average Day

“God is in the details boyo”. Another saying from the gangster sage, my Uncle Pat. He says he thought it up, but I read it once in an “Iron Man” comic. Whoa, let’s back track a little! Hi, I’m Kenny Harkenson. If you haven’t read my stories yet, you might just think I’m a normal kid. But wait a minute, I live in “The City of Heroes”!!! by day (and sometimes by night if I’m out on the town) I’m simple Kenny Harkenson, but by night(if I haven’t drank my patented “Tequila Yoo Hoo”) I am the electric blaster of Kings Row, Spark’s!!! lemme tell you how I sorta fell into these powers, in sequence. Bullied, Uncle mysteriously returns, goes out drinking with said uncle, Rikti kidnap, injected with weird serum, rescued by a hero, mother dies, discovery of electric powers, decide to take revenge, base self on hero who saved me, get revenge on mother’s killer, and now we reach the present. I was living with my uncle Pat in a loft in “The Gish”, Kings Row after my mom had died. When I had become a hero to avenge her, I made this my base of operations to investigate the real reason my mother was killed. It was in this pursuit I met one of the most dangerous enemies I have ever fought and finally received some closure for my mothers death. It was in this time, I prevented a city wide catastrophe. So, as with all great stories, let me start at the beginning.

It was about a year after my mothers death, in January. It was about 9:38 PM, snowing, and I was hanging outside Da Vinci’s pizzeria in Founders Falls. I was watching these 3, well dressed Italian mooks eat there lunch while walking animatedly. I recognized them from police files my Uncle Alex showed me (Look, if none of these characters are familiar to you, stop now and read my origin story). All 3 of them were in the Family, and they were not just thugs. These were the contractors that hired out hit men to fulfill the Family’s desires of who to kill. From what I knew, these were the men who had contracted the hit on my mother. I had it all set up with old man Vinci, the guy who ran Da Vinci’s. It was time to teach these weasels that hell hath no fury like a pissed off teenager.

First I put out the lights. Nothing scares criminals like putting out the lights. A well placed zap of lightning took care of that. It’s kinda funny watching criminals scramble. They run a bit, bump into each other, blame each other for things beyond their control and so forth. So, making sure nobody but the mooks were in the restaurant, I came in thru the back door and pointed my arms at two separate thugs. HEAD SHOT! Jesus, I gotta stop playing Counter Strike. Got them both with a bolt of lightning to the back. All that left was the Capo, this real big guy in a white pin stripe suit. It was when he was running out of the place that I recognized him. That guy from the funeral! The big guy with the mustache! He was scared now, he kept screaming at me:

“Get away from me FREAK!”

Ugh. I hate being called a freak. I’m a HERO not a freak. Their’s a difference.
So, I chase after the guy grinning. I know I got him, he’s scared out of his mind. But what to do, what to do...Electro-Noogie? No, too kiddish. Beat the crap out of him? No, to vigilante. Ah, the classic Static Clinger! I flew after the guy, laughing, and caught him by the collar. I saw a nearby tower and knew it was perfect. So, as I was flying up, I talked to him:

“So” I said “What’s your name buddy?”

“M-monstrum! Luigi Monstrum! Put me down!!!”

Sigh. Why do villains seem to think heroes have to give in to their commands when they’re most desperate. I guess it’s the villain superiority complex. So, I send a static charge thru his suit and lay him against the top of the tower. His whole body clings to the needle at the top and then the real screaming starts. So, I’m floating up there for a few minutes watching him freak before I say something.

“Sooooooooooooo...wanna talk boyo?”

“Sure! Sure! Whatever you want, I’ll tell you!” he screams. I think the people who lived in the building woke up when he yelled. So, I says to him:

“Well, I was wondering what you knew about a mob hit that happened a year ago. Delia Harkenson ring a bell?”

“Who the hell is that?”

“DELIA MCCLOG HARKENSON! You bastards had her killed by a basket case named Cross-Bones. Why?!”

“McClog?” he screamed “We didn’t want her dead! We wanted Patrick McClog dead! That rat bastard betrayed the Family and we had just found out he moved back into the city! Someone else wanted Harkenson dead! We figured we’d do a 2 for one deal!”

“Who wanted Delia dead?” I yelled. Now I was mad. Uncle Pat must have known who this guy was and didn’t say anything. But then, maybe he thought I’d instantly blame him for my mothers death. I guess I did and still do.

“Some black guy named Bocor!” Monstrum screamed “he’s big on voodoo, works with this gang from New York called the Ghuede-!”

He didn’t say anything else. Out of nowhere, a fire ball flies out and crisps Monstrum like a piece of bacon. I spin around and look into the faces of 3k Kelvin and Duke Mordrogar. Oy vey. Both of them were floating there, Kelvins hand ablaze with the fire he had just killed Monstrum with. Mordrogar was just floating there grinning and giggling like a lunatic. Actually, according to Paragons FouCault Mental Facility, he is legally a Schizophrenic with delusions of being a demigod. So I’m floating there, out gunned and outnumbered, just waiting in a cowboy style stand off. Then, Kelvin finally speaks.

“You are so screwed, “Boyo”. By the way, thanks for holding Monstrum still for us. We were here to kill him tonight, but it looks like we get to bag us a cape.”

So, the both fly at me and I fly up just in time to dodge them. I was never any good at in flight combat, I flunked that on my hero exam. Luckily I was working off of adrenaline. So, I dive down and the Duke dives after me firing fire after me, laughing all the way. That’s what I found so scary about the Duke, the fact that he can laugh. So, I pull some electric shots over my should to keep him busy and the I pulled out of the dive 50 yard from the ground. And viola, Duke flies into a dumpster. I quickly flew down to him, grabbed the dumpsters lid and whacked the crap outta his head. Next thing I know, he’s out cold, no beaten bad enough for anything serious. Then, I see Kelvin flying at me at break neck speed and all I gotta do is slide to the right so he slams into the dumpster. He does and I slam the lid down, welding it shut real quick. As I hear Kelvin yelling for me to let him out, I joke back:

“Well waddya know. I bagged me 2 rouges.”

About half and hour later, my Uncle Alex arrives with a meta human arrest squad packing Kelvin and the Duke away. After some small talk and some questions I told him I had to go. Right after all the formalities, I flew home as fast as I could and stopped in front of the main arch window of the loft. As I looked thru, I saw my uncle Pat sitting on the couch with a bottle of rum in his hand and a gun resting against his temple.

God Doth Loveth his little Jokeths

Next: Revenge and Redeemers


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